Jena Malone: Indie Ingenue

BY: JUSTINE GOODMAN
PHOTOGRAPHY BY: SETH KUSHNER

Would you like half?” Jena Malone asks me at the start of our interview, referring to her bottle of Vitamin Water. Sweet and soft-spoken (and extraordinarily polite), you may not know her name—yet—but chances are you’ve seen one of Jena’s films. From Into the Wild to Saved! the young starlet has already racked up over 35 big and small screen credits, and at 23-years-old she’s just getting started. That’s why we jumped on the opportunity to chat with Jena about her upcoming films, her burgeoning music career and her take on the world of fashion.

YRB: So, what projects can we look forward to seeing you in this fall?
Jena: The Go-Getter will still be out this fall. It’s this independent film with Zoey Deschanel and Lou Taylor Pucci. It went to Sundance two years ago, and it’s such a beautiful film about a road trip and coming of age. It’s the most, sort of, sexually deviant character I’ve ever played, just in the sense of a young woman understanding what sexual manipulation is within her own femininity. I think there’s a point when every woman realizes that her looks or her body or her temperament can win her certain things with men. And [my character explores] how to push those limits, and how empowering that feels, how strange that feels and how, in the beginning, it can be very innocent, and she kind of gives Lou Taylor Pucci’s character the ride of his life. And then I’m working on this film right now called The Messenger, which should be coming out in the fall/winter.

YRB: I had a chance to check out some of your music on MySpace. Can you tell me a little bit about that side of your career?
Jena: What song did you hear?

YRB: “New Year Come.”
Jena: Oh, that’s by Jena Malone and Her Bloodstains. All that music came from two demos that I made myself, produced myself, engineered myself with the help of musicians—like I recorded a friend playing guitar over the phone. For “New Year Come” I had a friend of mine from Lake Tahoe (where I live) come in and play violin and help me do an arrangement, and he also let me abstract it, cut and paste it and put it together. I wrote that two years ago on New Year’s Eve.

YRB: So you write the lyrics and the music?
Jena: Uh-huh. But I don’t know how to write music, and I don’t know how to read music. It’s just more intuitive, and working with ProTools and finding something that I like and trying to sort of re-edit that and shape it…but Jena and Her Bloodstains sort of disintegrated. Then I had this dream in January that I was gonna build a shoe—a sort of mobile, one-woman music cart—that I would be able to play anywhere, and I wanted it to be in the shape of an old leather shoe, you know, like the story, “There Was an Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe.” So I started doing these designs for it, and it ended up looking like this crazy contraption made of chicken wire and cardboard, with all this electrical equipment. I eventually realized, fuck, this is not gonna work. But then I bought this old steamer trunk and I was about to drive down to L.A., and I was looking at it in my bedroom, and I was like, “That’s it! That’s what I’ll build the instrument out of”—because it’s compactable, and I can wheel it around on a dolly. So I put all of my instrumentations in there—a little karaoke amp, a keyboard, a drum machine, a little mono-synth, some hand percussion instruments—and set it all up, and it was absolutely everything I could have wanted. I put it in my trunk the next morning, drove down to L.A., and started experimenting with it. I brought it over to a friend of mine’s house, and we set it up and we just jammed. I jammed on the shoe, he jammed on the piano, and we wrote four songs in one night. And I was like holy shit, I’ve never met a musician who’s able to follow my extractions and add a certain groundness to it; to make it a little more linear. So now we’re in a band called The Shoe, and we just finished an album called At Lemjay’s Garage. It’s a six-track EP. I also started a record label called There Was an Old Woman Records.

YRB: As an actress and musician, how do you feel about the stigma of “actors-turned-musicians”?
Jena: Well, I think the stigma just lies in how we define what an artist is.

YRB: What would you say you’re most recognized for, or would want to be most recognized for?
Jena: Well, the thing you’re most recognized for is never the thing that you want to be most recognized for. I mean when I got Punk’d I found that more people came up to me because of that than for anything else I’d ever done, which was very disheartening. But I think as an artist you want to be recognized for the most recent thing you’ve done because it’s the most personal to you, it’s the most intimate, and it’s what you’re saying at that moment.

YRB: You’ve worked closely with some pretty major celebrities—from Susan Sarandon to Sean Penn—is there anyone that’s been the most fun work with, or anyone you want to work with? What about a particular film that was especially fun to make?
Jena: I’ve wanted to work with Ben Foster for a very long time, and I’m getting to work with him now [in The Messenger]. I thought he was amazing in 3:10 to Yuma and Alpha Dog. I’ve worked with Emile [Hirsch] a couple of times and thought he was amazing. The most fun film I’ve done is probably Saved! because it was the first time I had done a film besides Cheaters where everyone was the same age. It’s like summer camp—we’re all there for the same reason, but there’s also free time, and you’re spending dinners together, you’re going out for karaoke together and throwing marshmallows off the patio.

YRB: Let’s talk about fashion for a minute. What kind of style do you have? What are you most comfortable wearing: high fashion or sweats?
Jena: I’m probably the most comfortable in something that makes me feel outside of myself, in a sense. I was a tomboy my entire life, and then I turned 21, broke up with my boyfriend and started finding that I was suddenly drawn to clothes that were a lot more girly and feminine.

YRB: What are some of your favorite labels or designers?
Jena: I love Sonia Rykiel, and I also love Linda Loudermilk.

YRB: What would you say are some of your greatest musical influences?
Jena: For music it’s been a very specific group of artists: Tom Waits, Neil Young, PJ Harvey…

YRB: As a young actress in Hollywood, how do you avoid falling victim to the Paris and Lindsay-type of existence?
Jena: The thing is, you are what you eat, you are what you wear, you are what you think, and that’s it. So I feel like whether that is for them a heightened sense of reality or not, what we get from it is some version of what their selling—to themselves, or to the public or to their mothers or to their friends. I’ve only ever sold who I am. They exist so I don’t have to. And I’m glad that they fulfill their space in the collective conscience; if they didn’t, other people would. And what they’ve been hawked as, and what the press has over-established them as, is helping to implode these crazy obsessions with celebrity. So in a way, whether we love them or hate them, it’s a very beautiful thing because they’re actually helping turn the tides. I think the public is a little bit sickened by our own interest, and what our interest has turned these women into, or allowed them to be turned into, and we’ve seen a lot of negative effects that our overindulgence has allowed.

Tribeca Film Festival: Cast of "Baby Mama" Celebrates at the MoMA

(Photo by Peter Bixler)

The Tribeca Film Festival is off to a strong start, with the stars turning out for last night's world premiere of "Baby Mama" at the Ziegfeld. We were in attendance at the official after-party, held at the Museum of Modern Art, which could have been mistaken for a "Saturday Night Live" reunion. In addition to Lorne Michaels and "Baby Mama" stars Amy Poehler and Tina Fey, guests at the MoMa included a long list of present and former cast-members, like Jimmy Fallon (who eventually left the party with former "SNL" player Chris Kattan), Rachel Dratch, Jason Sudeikis, Fred Armisen, Molly Shannon and even Chevy Chase. But the superstar of the evening was Steve Martin, who sauntered in wearing a panama hat, spent most of his time at a table with Lorne and Chevy and later departed without obliging the fans who were waiting outside for an autograph. (That said, Martin's role in "Baby Mama" is much funnier than the rest of the movie.)

Other big name guests included Poehler's hilarious husband, Will Arnett, Seth Green (of "Family Guy" / "Austin Powers" / "Robot Chicken" fame), and Dax Shepard (whom I profiled in an interview piece last year), who doted on girlfriend Kristen Bell, star of "Forgetting Sarah Marshall," most of the night.

Several sad people outside were hoping to catch a glimpse of Robert De Niro, who wasn't even there. One such fan informed me he was also there to see Frank Oz (better known as the voice of Yoda), who was my next-door neighbor on the Upper West Side for many years, and who I didn't see at the MoMa. Just as I was breaking the news that the Oz / De Niro gala must have been on the other side of town, Lorne Michaels walked outside. One eager fan yelled, "Lorne, can I get a picture?" to which Lorne responded, "I'm good, thanks," and jumped in a car.

A 30-second clip from inside the party, taken on my date's cell-phone from the future, is below.

Craigslist Keepers

Occasionally we stumble across a Craigslist post that is too good not to share with the world.

Case in point: This listing for an apartment share in Murray Hill, which was brought to our attention earlier today. It says:

I am an elderly lady, in my 70's. I am looking for someone lovely to live in the second bedroom (lovely people only). I am not thrilled about living with someone but I could use the extra cash. I have only one rule. You must wear a belt I designed that has bells all over it. I do this so I know when you are in the apartment and where in the apartment you are. If you have friends over, they must wear the device as well. I only have 2, so no more than 1 friend over.

So, just in case the prospect of moving to Murray Hill wasn't enough to make you want to kill yourself, now you can go live there with this old lady, who may or may not be the real-life version of Kathy Bates' character from "Misery."

Party Like It's Spring Break

It's nearly mid-March, which means that if you're a college student, you're probably getting ready to spend a week with 10 other hoodlums, holed up in some beachside shanty, soaking up moderate quantities of sun and lethal quantities of booze, in honor of that great American pastime known as spring break.

Well, guess what: Even if your undergraduate years are over, you needn't dip to Tijuana to partake in the sort of lewd, depraved behavior pictured above. There are plenty of bars where even the most respectable professionals you can experience the thrills of spring break--from the alcohol poisoning to the scantily clad girls--right here on the Isle of Manhattan.

Click through to read our latest roundup, Party Like It's Spring Break.

And for those of you who are too old for body shots but still long to reconnect with your collegiate days, check out Gigantic Cocktails (one of our new and improved photo roundups)--trust me, after a few mixed drinks served by the pint, no one will notice you're balding, least of all you.

(Photo courtesy of The Big Easy)

Black Out on Leap Day; Wake Up Four Years Later

Are you losing sleep over why it's still February? So am I, or at least I would be, if I had any curiosity about the inner workings of the Gregorian Calendar. Nevertheless, as everyone knows, every four years we tack an extra day onto February--which the crack team over at NASA describes as "relatively rare," as if a Leap Day is an unusual strain of a deadly virus, rather than something that has taken place every four years since 46 B.C.--and today is that day.

So, in keeping with its tendency to use anything, no matter how banal, as an excuse to throw a party and get people wasted, The Village Pourhouse is celebrating Leap Day with, um, a party where people are gonna get wasted. Specifically, for those born on February 29, this is your chance to celebrate your birthday (on the actual anniversary of your birth) with free beer, and a bunch of activities that probably don't matter as much as the part about free beer:

After four long years of waiting, it is finally time! Calling Leap Year Babies everywhere! Embrace your inner-child and come down to The Village Pourhouse for a birthday party right out of your childhood dreams. Whether it is your sixth, seventh, or eighth, this will be a birthday to remember. There will be bright balloons, fun decorations, delicious cake, and boisterous activities to bring you way back. Don’t miss out on our Pin-the-Tail-on-the Donkey. Be sure to take a big swing at our piñata filled with adult favorites such as drink tickets and free bar tabs at the Village Pourhouse. If you show proof you are an actual leap year baby, you will drink free Bud and Bud Light from 7-9pm.

So, to all the Leap Day babies, head to 11th Street & Third Avenue tonight at 6:59pm to take full advantage of the festivities, and to meet a bunch of bat-wielding, piñata-breaking, 7-year-old drunks.

And if that doesn't appeal to you, check back soon--I can't even imagine what the Pourhouse has planned for Daylight Savings next weekend.

(Photo courtesy of the Village Pourhouse)

On the Menu at Socialista: Mojitos, Empanadas, Hepatitis

It seems that the door policy may not be the only nasty thing at Armin Amiri's uber-exclusive lounge, Socialista. According to a report that first appeared in INF Daily (and then caught fire throughout the blogosphere), anyone who patronized the West Village hot spot on February 7, 8 or 11 may have been exposed to the liver disease Hepatitis A. Worse still (or better yet, depending on your perspective), it just so happens that Ashton Kutcher celebrated his 30th birthday with a bash there on February 7, which was attended by such industry heavyweights as Demi Moore, Madonna, Lucy Liu, Gwyneth Paltrow, Salma Hayek, and "Grey's Anatomy" star Eric "Mr. McSteamy" Dane. The disease is believed to have been tracked into the club by a bartender, and not, as we naturally assumed, by Paris Hilton.

Socialista owner Armin Amiri (a former doorman at Bungalow 8) did release an official statement, part of which was reprinted in the NY Post:

Although no additional cases of illness have been identified, the New York City Department of Health is urging customers to get the vaccination as a precautionary measure. We are grateful for their efforts and we will continue to support them in every way possible.

Although one visit to Socialista was enough for me, those who haven't had the pleasure can now take solace in knowing that the stringent door policy may turn out to have been a blessing in disguise. From here on out, it may be downhill for Socialista--you know what they say, "Once they start letting Hepatitis in, they'll let anyone in."

(Photo via Paper Mag)

Anti-Valentine's Day Planner: Romance is Dead, Get Drunk Instead

Do you think chocolate and flowers are gifts that should be reserved for the terminally ill?

So do we. That's why we're protesting the most useless Hallmark holiday of them all with a special anti-Valentine's Day feature that pays tribute to all things un-romantic.

So, if you're just looking for a bar to get drunk (like any other Thursday night) try Scores--where the only Valentine you'll meet is a stripper with a poorly chosen stage-name. Or, if you're looking to party with other bitter, lonely and desperate singles, head to the Screw Valentine's Day Party, or the Second Annual Anti-Valentine's Day Ball, where strangers in the night will become friends until morning.

And no matter how you choose to spend Valentine's Day, remember: All you need is love--of booze. Click through to read the complete Anti-Valentine's Day Planner, or if you're one half of a couple that makes me sick, maybe this is more your bag.

(Photo borrowed from Stuck in The '80s)

O, Equinox, How You Tease Us With Your Tightly Packaged Flesh!

Evidently The Catholic League is none too pleased about Equinox's latest ad campaign, which depicts a series of sexy, fairytale-esque scenes shot by Ellen von Unwerth. In particular, they take issue with the hot nuns with exposed legs sketching the hot naked dude with exposed everything. The ads aren't in rotation in New York yet, but will be making their city-wide debut forthwith. In the meantime, Equinox is more than happy to exacerbate the situation by giving New Yorkers a sneak peek of what it has in store for our local magazines, billboards, and subways by displaying the new ads in the windows at three of their locations (50th Street, 19th Street and Greenwich Avenue), from now through Friday.

I belong to one of Equinox's competitors, so I can't say I know for sure what their clientele is like. But I can say that my gym is filled with fatties and old people, and if I ever once had to look at someone like the models above while "running" my 12-minute mile, I'd either kill myself or kill them. To be fair though, while these ads don't necessarily make me want to join Equinox (or ever leave my apartment again, for that matter), they do make me want to join a convent and take up sketching.

WWCD? (What Would the Candidates Drink?) A Super Tuesday Special Report

(Image borrowed from President08.net)

Super Tuesday is finally upon us, and while a gaggle of legitimate news outlets will be focused on boring us to death with talk of "precincts," "delegates" and "exit polls," we at Citysearch are bringing you the kind of hard-hitting, no-nonsense reporting that really matters. Specifically, we're investigating a question that is of the utmost importance when it comes to selecting a new leader of the free world: "What would the presidential candidates drink, and where would they drink it?"

So, if you're wondering how Obama's plan to get the hell outta Dodge (where by "Dodge" I mean "Baghdad") compares to McCain's plan to keep us there for another 100 years, I couldn't tell you. And if you're unsure of how Clinton's plan to offer universal health care differs from Romney's plan to withhold it, I just don't know. But what I do know is that by the time the polls close on Tuesday night, all of the candidates, winners and losers alike, will be fiending for a liquid fix.

So here's our take on what and where each of them would drink--if the cameras (and evangelists) weren't watching.

DEMOCRATS

Hillary Clinton:
Everything about the New York Senator--from her infamous pants suits to her fancy Chappaqua digs--says she's a lady who lets loose with a white wine spritzer. And while her husband might prefer to go, uh, downtown, Hil's a definite uptown girl. But if Cafe Des Artistes was booked, perhaps she'd head over to midtown's Yale Club--where her fellow Ivy Leaguers sip Chardonnay at their very own haven away from New Haven. So, rather than let Obama get to her on Super Tuesday, HRC will simply take a deep breath, plaster on a smile and get plastered.

Barack Obama:
He may be from Illinois (by way of Hawaii), but Obama knows how to kick it NYC-style. The Columbia University graduate admits that back in the day he dabbled in drugs and alcohol (which might explain in part why he's carrying the American youth vote), but these days he sticks to throwing punches rather than spiking it. When Obama wants to get his drink on, he likely meets up with celeb supporters like Robert De Niro for sake bombs at Nobu or vino at Tribeca Grill. On second thought, maybe he prefers to show that he's in touch with the Average Joe by grabbing a beer somewhere less elitist, like a dive bar in Brooklyn, or even Staten Island. Just kidding! No one would ever want to go there!

REPUBLICANS

John McCain:
The 72-year-old Republican front-runner probably has to do his boozing on the sly, thanks to his wife Cindy, the Budweiser heiress with a well-documented pill-popping habit. A decorated war veteran (and war advocate), should McCain arrive in New York to find that the officer's club is closed, I suspect he'd drop by the Soldiers', Sailors', Marines' Coast Guard and Airmen's Club and sidle up to the bar with a nice single malt scotch. And once he started feeling tipsy, he would head to the nearest military recruiting station and attempt to re-enlist for active duty, just to prove that he's not too old to be president.

Mitt Romney:
You can always count on a Mormon to be the life of any party, and the former Massachusetts governor is no exception. Although Romney's Church of Latter Day Saints traditionally prohibits the use of alcohol, they have begun to relax their policy slightly, permitting members of the Church to consume small amounts of low-ABV booze. In other words, Romney's a lightweight who probably gets a buzz off a sixer of O'Doul's. That might fly in his Puritan state, but in NYC that ain't gonna cut it. So maybe he'd try to fit in by going to a bar that is happy to make non-alcoholic versions of their cocktails--like Brasserie 8 1/2 or Counter--so he wouldn't have to feel awkward saying, "Would you make that a virgin pina colada, boss?" in public. Actually, he should feel awkward saying that. What an amateur. Do you really want a guy who can't hold his liquor running this ship?

Mike Huckabee:
The Southern Baptist and former governor of Arkansas may have vetoed a bill in his state that would have made public drinking in "entertainment districts" legal, but that doesn't mean he's not a hardcore boozer in private. This dude wouldn't know what the hell to do with himself in the big city, and would likely end up hanging out somewhere exotic and touristy, like New Jersey or Planet Hollywood or Jekyll & Hyde, where he'd order something creepy and overly complex--you know, like a drink that looks and smells like it belongs in a witches cauldron rather than a glass. It doesn't really matter though, because despite his victory in Iowa, it seems like it's only a matter of time before Huckabee drops out ofthe race. Then again, it wouldn't be the first time that an Arkansas governor turned out to be a nuisance for Hillary Clinton.

Ron Paul:
I'll be honest, I don't know much about Texas congressman Ron Paul, except that he looks suspiciously like my grandpa, and that he's a doctor who doesn't believe in evolution--which means he's clearly suffering from a kind of denial seen only among people who drink a whole hell of a lot. It's not a stretch to imagine that if he weren't a politician, he'd be standing on a crate somewhere, rocking a Members Only jacket and polyester pants with a razor-sharp crease, ranting about how social welfare programs are un-American, and how the government oughtta' give everyone a semi-automatic weapon instead of universal health care. But if Ronnie found himself in Manhattan, I'm guessing he'd probably split his time evenly between the OTB and dirty bars like Charlie O's, where he'd alternate between Bud tallboys and Jack Daniels, depending on the time of day.

Look, we don't know if any of the above is true (actually, it's almost certainly not true), but we do know that one of these people will be the next President of the United States. So, just in case you didn't already have a reason to hit the bottle, now you have six.

A Citysearch Special Report: Places We'd Like To See Squashed by the "Cloverfield" Monster

Lady Liberty is just one of the New York City landmarks that takes a beating in the highly anticipated new monster movie, "Cloverfield," which hits theaters today. From what I can surmise, the premise goes something like this: Young, fun-loving crowd of New Yorkers are at one of those cheesy parties where the hosts videotape their guests talking about how totally awesome the party is, when all hell breaks loose. Suddenly New York is under attack by a savage, futuristic-Godzilla-style monster. Chaos and massive destruction ensue as said monster proceeds to obliterate everything (and everyone) in its path, all but leveling the city. But every movie has a hero (although judging from the "Cloverfield" cast, that hero needn't be a celebrity), and ours turns out to be one of the dudes who was at that party before all the madness began. Ultimately, that guy, whoever he is, leads a mission to defeat the monster, thereby restoring order and saving the city.

With any luck, "Cloverfield" will deliver at least one good old-fashioned impaling--perhaps one that involves the Empire State Building needle, for example--but suffice it to say that there will be blood. So, at the risk of offending a broad spectrum of our audience, we're paying tribute to this epic movie with a little hit list of our own: Places We'd Like to See Squashed by the "Cloverfield" Monster.

Duane Reade (any and all locations)
Sorry, "Cloverfield," but we've already got a monster that's hell-bent on destroying this town!

Manhattan Mall
This unfortunate attempt at an urban strip mall has only one redeeming characteristic: Keeping property values down in Herald Square--and to be fair, some of the credit for that also goes to Penn Station, Madison Square Garden and Macy's.

Southern Hospitality
JT, JT, JT... Like we said a few weeks ago when your restaurant snagged the No. 1 spot on our list of the 10 Worst Restaurants of 2007: Just because you can do everything, doesn't mean you should.

Dave and Buster's
A D&B is just fine in a suburban mall--or a suburban anything--but if this is the "new" Times Square, we'll take the seedy strip joints, panhandlers, and meth-heads of yesteryear.

MacDougal Street (Between West 3rd and Bleecker)
Ever wondered what it would look like if a drunken fraternity convention plopped itself down in the West Village and refused to leave? Well, this is what that would look like.

Mars 2112
I'd sooner volunteer to be mangled by a rabid pit bull than spend five minutes at this space-themed travesty of a restaurant.

Staten Island
Relax, we don't literally want to see S.I. crushed by a monster, it's more of a figurative thing. Like, if the five boroughs were stranded on a desert island, and they had to eat one of the boroughs to ensure the survival of the other four ...

Agree? Disagree? Send us your beef via email, or leave a comment here and tell everyone what places you'd like the see squashed by the "Cloverfield" monster.

Craigslist Keepers: Post of the Century

Tell your co-workers that for the rest of the afternoon you'll be busy sending mass emails to everyone you know.

Now, this is not even remotely related to New York, let alone nightlife, but it just seemed inhumane not to share the above Craiglist post, which was placed on the Greenville, South Carolina, "strictly platonic" personals boards several days ago, but only just came to my attention. It says:

Wanted: Somebody to go back in time with me. This is not a joke. You'll get paid after we get back. Must bring your own weapons. Safety not guaranteed. I have only done this once before.

Whomever conceived this is my new personal hero, and I am going to reply to the post and inquire as to whether I can accompany him on his quest in time back to the '80s, when that whole high-top-fade-meets-mullet look was in vogue.

Saturday Night Live Writers, Performers, and Andy Samberg Groupies Turn Out to Support Writers Guild

Surprise guest Janeane Garofalo opened for "SNL" vet Darrell Hammond, below, on Monday night at Comix

It was a full house Monday evening at Comix where assorted "Saturday Night Live" writers and players both past and present participated in a comedy event to benefit the striking Writers Guild of America, East. In keeping with the trend of wearing your support for the writers on your face, "strike beards" were in full effect, and the overall mood seemed to indicate that no one expects to return to work anytime soon.

Hosted by Jason Sudeikis (who joined the cast of "SNL" in 2005 after spending several years in the writers' room, and who also played Floyd on the first season of "30 Rock"), the original lineup boasted appearances by Andy Samberg and Fred Armisen, though in the end, neither of them were able to do so, for reasons unknown. But everything was still kosher thanks to those who did perform, including "SNL" writers Bryan Tucker ("Chappelle's Show"), 25-year-old Harvard success story (it's about time!) Colin Jost, and former staff writer Leo Allen (one half of the comedy duo Slovin & Allen). Several video clips were shown, most notably an hilarious commercial parody starring Kristin Wiig and a digital short starring Armisen and Samberg, directed by the latter's Lonely Island cohort/ "SNL" writer Akiva Schaffer, who was also in the audience at Comix but dipped out halfway through the show.

Although at least one unfortunate heckler made it known that she had only come to see unlikely dreamboat du jour Andy Samberg--whose rise to fame began two years ago with a video about cupcakes and was sustained by a video about his junk--his failure to show up was well-compensated with a special guest set by Janeane Garofalo. As always, her best material was political, and though she generally laid-off the Democratic candidates, she was more than happy to riff on their Republicans counterparts, making light of the fact that three of them "actually believe the jury's still out on evolution." Which is funny--and at the same time not so funny--'cause it's true.

But the real highlight of the evening?

Headliner Darrell Hammond, who announced right off the bat that he was jacked up on Vicodin, although it was unclear whether or not he was kidding, and his behavior throughout the rest of his set made it no clearer. After commenting that he'd just come from Penn Station ("For those of you from out of town, that's the place that inspired all of Stephen King's novels"), the 13-year veteran of "SNL" went on to perform virtually every impression for which he is most famous: Donald Trump, Tony Soprano, Bill Clinton, Sean Connery, Dr. Phil and a dead-on
George W. Bush. (Though, for the record, Sudeikis plays the president in current "SNL" sketches. Or at least he did, when there were current sketches.)

Hammond's musings on the Clintons--particularly his point that if Hilary wins the election, Bill's job will literally be to socialize with and entertain the first ladies of other nations ("Hey there Mrs. Putin, this here is the Lincoln Bedroom. And this is the Lincoln bed")--were a hit, as were his observations about President Bush ("He starts out with the intention of making a point, and then mid-sentence, he decides he simply doesn't feel like it: 'The American people are tirelessly [pause]... They're tireless'").

If you don't consider the cancellation of the Golden Globes to be any great casualty, then you may think that because there is new programming on TV this week, the strike doesn't impact you. But the networks are down to the sitcom reserve supply, and when the scripts run out several weeks down the line, there's going to be no new content on prime-time television until the strike is resolved (unless you count "Celebrity Apprentice," which I refuse to do). And while the networks are making a ton of money off the exploitation of their writers and the strike itself, the people who really make the magic happen are starving to death. Fine,
that last part may not be true, but it totally might be if this doesn't end soon.

So here's my plea: Stop watching episodes of "30 Rock" online, grow a beard, join the picketers, or do whatever else you can to help ensure that the networks start feeling the pain of this strike the way the writers are. If not for them, do it for me-- because with the exception of booze, television is the closest thing I have to a boyfriend.

Human Giant Saves MTV: Suck On This, Spencer Pratt

Above: Rob Huebel, Paul Scheer and Aziz Ansari are Human Giant

Ordinarily, the chances of me going out on a Monday night are nil, especially in this brick-ass cold. But with my television withdrawal giving me an increasingly nasty case of the shakes, I took the opportunity to check out last night's sneak preview of the new season of "Human Giant"--the best thing to happen to MTV's comedy programming (or rather, MTV period) since "The State"-- hosted by the Human Giants themselves.

As any proper night should, this one began with drinks. Various members of the press (editors and writers from Maxim, the NY Post, the Village Voice, ASCAP, Giant, and other publications) assembled beforehand at West Chelsea haunt Half King, along with the show's stars, Rob Huebel, Paul Scheer and Aziz Ansari, before making the troupe to the UCB Theater.

It may have been after 11pm on a weeknight, but you wouldn't have known it from the size of the crowd, which was spilling out into the aisles. Granted, the show was free, but it was clear that these people would probably have paid to see it. And for good reason--the raw and uncut clips screened last night were so outrageous, explicit and unbelievably hilarious, it's difficult to imagine that the Standards Department at MTV would even entertain the possibility of airing them, even after heavy editing. (Case in point: A sketch called "Car Accident," which tells the tale of Bruce Penis (Huebel), a deceased gay porn star whose ghost haunts his supposed killer (Ansari) by violating him physically in order to open his, uh, eyes to the truth.)

Afterwards, those of us who aren't a bunch of lightweights and whiners--winos, perhaps, but not whiners--returned to Half King for more drinks with Rob, Paul and Aziz and friends that included several Saturday Night Live writers and performer Bill Hader.

I had the chance to spend some time chatting with Rob (who has frequently appeared on "Best Week Ever" and played the memorable Dr. Mark character in several episodes of "Curb Your Enthusiasm"), and he told me that filming for season two is going well, but admits that it can be quite a lot of work writing and developing consistently funny material that can carry through several hours of sketches (a full season of "Human Giant").

If the material that aired on the first season of the show--which got the green light for season two after MTV execs let the guys take over control of the airwaves for 24-straight hours of programming, broadcast live from the network's Times Square studios--and what we saw last night is any indication, then their hard work is well worth it. Nothing is off-limits (including, but not limited to, 9/11, which they famously parodied last season in a number of episodic sketches entitled "Lil' 9/11").

Though the beer wasn't free (it never is, sadly), getting to see the show was certainly worth every bit of pain I experienced this morning, when my alarm clock began taunting me to rise at the ungodly hour of 9:30am. But more importantly, it's reassuring to know that in March '08, "Human Giant" will be back on the air, giving people like me--who would sooner slit our wrists than watch 30 minutes (let alone a 12-hour programming block) of shows about Heidi Montag, her deadbeat boyfriend Spencer Pratt, and the trials and tribulations of their beef with Lauren Conrad--a reason to watch MTV.

Portable Beer Pong Table: Because Meatheads Like to Recieve Gifts Too

The only thing better than absurd drinking paraphernalia is absurd drinking-game paraphernalia, and nothing says "I'm a douchebag" quite like carrying around an inflatable beer pong table. Which is exactly why the $45 Portopong will make the perfect holiday gift for that special frat boy* in your life. As with most alcohol-related products--like the booze belt, another real gem--the Portopong is entirely practical to haul around town, you know, just in case you find yourself back in college. Then again, if you carry both the Portopong and an air mattress around with you at all times, you can play beer pong whenever you want without ever having to worry about where you're going to pass out afterwards. Order now before the manufacturer jacks up the price due to overwhelming demand. Just kidding.

*Contrary to the scene depicted in the photo, this is obviously not a toy for nerds, but rather for the quarterbacks who torment them. It's just that that photo was taken at a Yale tailgating party. Go figure.

NEW BLOG - Imbible

As of 08/07, I have a new job as Nightlife Editor at Citysearch New York, which means that now I drink like it's my job because it actually IS my job. But when I'm not sleeping it off, my new responsibilities include maintaining a daily blog. I'm not convinced anyone was ever visiting this site to begin with, but just in case, from now on you'll find my extensive catalog of writing on the booze blog, Imbible (and subscribe to the RSS feed, please!).

http://nycblog.citysearch.com/imbible

Movie: Death Sentence

After making his wildly successful directorial debut with the low-budget horror film Saw, young director James Wan returns with Death Sentence, a revenge-thriller about a family man (Kevin Bacon) who takes matters into his own hands after his son is murdered. I caught up with Wan to discuss Death Sentence and his approach to filmmaking, and here’s what he had to say.

WWW.FOXMOVIES.COM

A FEW WORDS WITH DEATH SENTENCE DIRECTOR JAMES WAN

Q: Tell us about the basic story behind Death Sentence.
A: Kevin Bacon plays a father whose path crosses with a street gang when his son is murdered in an initiation killing, and in a fit of rage and in the heat of passion he makes a mistake and goes after one of the people that was responsible. I describe the film as a revenge tragedy – it just spirals out of control. It’s not an outright revenge movie from start to finish. The first half of the film plays more like a thriller, while you watch this normal, everyday, white-collar guy just slowly losing control over the world that he knows, and getting caught up in a world that is very opposite his own. It’s basically a story about two different families when worlds collide – you have the family of the gang and the suburban family of Kevin Bacon. It really is a moral tale. He does what he does but he ends up paying dearly for it. ‘How far would you go to protect your family?’ If I was the marketing guy, that would be the tagline.


Q: You’re best known for making horror films. Why did you decide to switch it up?
A: I was really starting to be pigeonholed as a guy who only makes horror films, and that is so not me. Anyone who knows me knows that I’m a movie fan as opposed to just a horror fan, and I felt like the revenge-thriller genre was a good stepping stone for me to try something different and concentrate more on the drama of an everyday life, performances and all that stuff, and I got the opportunity to work with a lot of really good actors. I wanted to show another side.


Q: Do you have any advice for aspiring filmmakers?
A: The best advice I can give would be things I experienced myself, and I say the best thing one should retain is naivety. When you’re young and stupid and you don’t know any better, you just go and do it; you don’t let anyone discourage you, you just follow your heart. You should do what you believe in – just go for it. Especially in today’s world, where studios and producers are willing to take chances on young, up-and-coming directors.

Movie: The Brothers Solomon

The Solomon brothers want to put a baby in you, and goddammit they will, even if it’s the last thing they do. When their dying father expresses one final wish to have a grandchild, Dean and John Solomon (Will Forte and Will Arnett) must find a way to procreate, stat. And it’s not going to be easy. That’s because until now, they’ve grown and developed (or rather, not developed) in the social equivalent of a concentration camp: a remote arctic location where they were home-schooled by their father. Miffed to find that the ladies aren’t exactly swooning, Dean and John explore other options, such as kidnapping (“We were trying to coax that little girl into our car, but her mom’s being a real pain in the ass,” Arnett explains to the police) and adoption (“What is your return policy?”), before they find Janine (SNL’s Kristen Wiig) on Craigslist, and convince her to serve as a surrogate. Written by Forte and directed by the legendary Bob Odenkirk (Mr. Show), this late-summer gem has all the right ingredients for comedy gold.

WWW.SCREENGEMS.NET

Movie: Superbad

-Popular Girl: "You know, you scratch our backs, we'll scratch yours."
-Fat Nerd: "The funny thing about my back is, is that it's located on my cock."

Once again, director Judd Apatow (The 40-Year-Old Virgin, Knocked Up) proves that good things happen when you combine a funny script with funny actors. Superbad tells the tale of Evan and Seth (played by Michael Cera of Arrested Development and Knocked Up’s Jonah Hill), two socially inept best friends and high school seniors who must make the most of their days together before enrolling at different colleges in the fall. With no social skills, less than no sex appeal, and nothing even resembling a cool bone in their bodies, the boys realize that if they want to make it as college men, they’re going to have to turn around their luck with the ladies – starting tonight, on the eve of their graduation. Not to be mistaken for a classic coming of age tale a la Stand By Me, Superbad is about as heartwarming as a funeral. But thankfully, it’s a whole lot funnier.

Read the exclusive interview with Jonah Hill
Watch the uncensored Superbad trailer

WWW.SONYPICTURES.COM

Movie: I'm Reed Fish

In his breakout role, Jay Baruchel (Undeclared, Knocked Up) proves to the world that Zach Braff isn’t the only geeky leading man who can pull off a romantic comedy without making us want to puke. Baruchel plays Reed Fish, a small town radio personality with a hot fiancée (Gilmore Girls’ Alexis Bledel) and a solid 10-year plan, whose life is turned upside-down when his former high school crush suddenly reappears on the eve of his nuptials. With DJ Qualls (Road Trip, Hustle & Flow) and SNL alum Chris Parnell at the helms, I’m Reed Fish takes a not-so-original story and turns it into a not-half-bad picture.

WWW.SCREENMEDIAFILMS.NET

TV: Kaya

After a slew of reality show successes like The Hills, My Super Sweet 16 and Rob & Big, this fall MTV returns to the sitcom with Kaya. The half-hour drama revolves around the world of Kaya (Danielle Savre), a young musician whose life is forever changed when she skyrockets to celebrity status virtually overnight. Kaya is managed by her often self-serving father Don (who is totally not based on Joe Simpson), a former supermarket meat manager who must eventually choose between his own newfound success and his daughter. Presented through a series of flashbacks, present day scenes and flash-forwards, the viewer follows Kaya as she attempts to stay afloat amidst the rock & roll lifestyle and all its temptations, from drugs and sex to money and power. It remains to be seen whether audiences will go for a scripted drama on a network that has enjoyed a resurgence thanks to shows that document the real life excesses of bratty American teens who will literally die if Shakira doesn’t perform at their birthday parties, but MTV has historically proven adept at catering to the interests of its viewers, and Kaya is likely to follow suit.

WWW.MTV.COM

DVD: Kung Fu Hustle

What would the late Bruce Lee have to say about Steven Chow’s Kung Fu Hustle? “It’s no Enter The Dragon.” Maybe not, but KFH manages to hold its own - so well, in fact, that it received 26 nominations (including a Golden Globe for Best Foreign-Language Film) and 17 awards at a slew of international film festivals when it was released in 2004. Set in 1940s Shanghai, KFH is the story of Sing (Chow), a pitiable would-be gangster with high hopes of joining the city’s most notorious crew, Axe Gang. But a series of events finds Sing going toe-to-toe with the powerful gang, leading the unlikely hero to discover his inner kung fu master. If you think Drunken Master beats Rush Hour any day of the week, then Kung Fu Hustle is like the Jackie Chan movie you’ve been waiting for, sans Jackie Chan. Check out the DVD before KFH 2 rolls out in ‘08.

WWW.SONYPICTURES.COM/HOMEVIDEO

Interview: John Leguizamo & Donnie Wahlberg, stars of "The Kill Point"

BY JUSTINE GOODMAN
PHOTOS COURTESY OF SPIKE TV

Who needs Jack Bauer when you’ve got… Pittsburgh?

“I love Pittsburgh, I think it’s underrated,” says actor Donnie Wahlberg, who plays hostage negotiator Horst Cali on Spike TV’s new summer miniseries The Kill Point, shot on location in the ‘Burgh.

Joining Wahlberg on set was John Leguizamo in the role of “Mr. Wolf,” the ringleader of a team of disgruntled Iraq War veterans who decide to rob a bank.

Wahlberg admits that although he is ostensibly playing the role of hero, “You could just as easily not root for [my character]. I think in the end people will,” he says, “but [Wolf and Cali] are two flawed characters, they’re not perfect. It seems like sometimes the choices they make aren’t always great, but at their core they’re both good guys and they make a connection. They’re both fearlessly determined to get their way, and while they respect each other, it’s like a very good chess match. They find that they have a lot in common but they both want to win, they both want to accomplish their goals.”

Leguizamo likens the relationship between Wolf and Cali to that of the lead characters in Les Misérables. “The cops and the underbelly are flipsides of the same coin,” he says. “We relate to and understand each other. We respect each other, but I don’t know if we love each other.” And, as in Les Mis, Leguizamo is confident that the audience will side with the so-called criminal.

“I’m a good guy gone bad that you have to love no matter how much you hate,” Leguizamo says. “If I do my job right then you will totally identify and sympathize and hopefully root for my boys and me. We have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and have it bad. It’s tough to come back from the war or any war and adjust to normal life. Nobody prepares you for it.”

Indeed, aside from to its natural appeal as a traditional tale of cops and robbers, the very premise of The Kill Point – namely, that a high stakes bank heist is being carried out by former U.S. soldiers who served in Iraq – ventures into interesting political territory, territory that most major networks seemingly consider too controversial for primetime television. And while Leguizamo and Wahlberg insist that the show is not intended to make any overt political statements, both actors acknowledge that of course it does, if only implicitly.

“There are probably a lot of veterans going through what these guys are going through. They haven’t all made the choice to rob a bank, but many veterans are very unhappy with the way things have turned out, given the sacrifice that they’ve made. We’ve heard about some of them – we’ve heard about a certain military hospital being inadequate for veterans – so inevitably it will make a statement but I don’t think it’s the goal of the show,” says Wahlberg, not-so-subtly referring to the recent scandal surrounding the Walter Reed Army Medical Center and the treatment (or lack thereof) being provided to the vets. “The war is the war,” Wahlberg says. “I don’t think any statements need to be made – they’re clear enough. Whoever doesn’t know what’s going on with this war is living under a rock.”

Similarly, when asked what drew him to this particular show and this particular role, Leguizamo says, “I found the veterans’ plight very important. Hate the war, but not the soldiers – they are the bravest people I know. Especially the vets that came back and are against the war. They risk rejection now from all sides. Can you imagine being brave enough to lose your job, your friends, your pension and being labeled? That’s courage. My character Mr. Wolf is just that. He picks a tough venue for his message, but that’s what makes this miniseries fascinating and difficult and different.”

At its heart, The Kill Point is what all television shows purport to be: an entertaining way to spend an hour each week. That it also happens to be a high-quality, well-acted program is simply an added bonus. But while The Kill Point may lend itself more readily to intelligent analysis than, say, such inexplicably popular shows as Deal Or No Deal, don’t over think it, and rest assured that it doesn’t take itself too seriously.

“If it’s great, then maybe there will be a Broadway show musical skating version,” jokes Leguizamo.

We eagerly await news of The Kill Point On Ice, but in the meantime, we’ll happily resign ourselves to watching it on television.

TV: It's Always Sunny in Philadephia

The little TV show that could, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia returns to FX this summer for a third season. The show – which was picked up in 2005 after a pilot that reportedly cost only $85 to make was submitted to FX under the title It’s Always Sunny on TV – circulates around four friends (two of whom, Dennis and Dee, also happen to be twins) who run an Irish pub, Paddy’s, in the City of Brotherly Love. Midget-turned-actor Danny DeVito joined the cast last year in the role of Frank, the twins’ father – or so we were led to believe before it was revealed at the end of last season than he is actually their friend Charlie’s biological father. A bunch of lazy, depraved, egomaniacal liars, these kids are fast becoming our personal heroes, and if you don’t get FX, don’t worry; episodes of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia are available for download on iTunes.

WWW.FXNETWORKS.COM

DVD: Bickford Shmeckler's Cool Ideas

Perhaps you missed Bickford Shmeckler’s Cool Ideas when it, um, wasn’t released on the big screen, but have no fear, because this August you’ll have the opportunity to experience Bickford on DVD. An A (and B) -list cast features Patrick Fugit (Almost Famous, Saved!), Olivia Wilde (The Black Donnellys, The Girl Next Door), Matthew Lillard (Scream, Scooby Doo) and John Cho (Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle). Fugit stars as college student Bickford Shmeckler, whose journal of unbelievably awesome theories and ideas is stolen by his smoking hot classmate Sarah Witt (Wilde), effectively altering life as he knows it. Now, Bickford has to channel all that nerd-juice into a plan of action to get his book back. Make sure to check out the exclusive Dungeons and Dragons bonus feature. It’s what all the cool kids will be talking about this summer.

WWW.SCREENMEDIAFILMS.COM



PHOTO COURTESY OF SCREEN MEDIA FILMS

TV: American Body Shop

The latest series to join the programming schedule at Comedy Central, American Body Shop is set against the backdrop of, you guessed it, an American body shop. Modeled after the improvisational format of Reno 911!, the half-hour comedy gives us an inside view into a world hitherto shrouded by mystery and known only to your local mechanic. The show focuses on the twice-divorced shop owner, Sam, whose spends most of his time trying to keep his business running smoothly as his unruly employees make every effort to undermine him. First there’s Johnny from Brooklyn (a wannabe gangster who alludes to the possibility that he may be in the Witness Protection Program; suffice it to say that he’s not). Then there’s Tim, the “undersexed prankster” who has no concept of comedic timing. Add in a few other misfits and you’ve got a bunch of bumbling idiots with ready access to heavy machinery. Let the laughs begin.

WWW.COMEDYCENTRAL.COM

PHOTO COURTESY OF COMEDY CENTRAL